Dating girl lives her ex
At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to?
The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends.
Then the poor girl would get a text or something from her ex-boyfriend/friend and I would explode into an angry tirade about it.
I regret it – it was destructive and never ever helped my relationship. I handled (because it was my problem, not hers.) The truth is that when I was in that situation, I didn’t manage my fears. It was like, I was so afraid of the idea that she could have been doing something and playing me for a fool that I felt compelled to snuff out any relationship she had that made me uncomfortable.
He lent her a sum of money in the past which I think she still hasn’t paid back which could be a factor.
I feel that by keeping her in his life, he is being slightly disrespectful to me, as she clearly still has some kind of hold over him for him to put up with this.
They’re disrespecting my ability to make a decision based on my evidence and what I see in front of me.
No amount of trying to control them, or to “guilt” them, or to reason with them, or to commit to them, etc. Of course your actions matter, but what I’m saying here is that in the end, you can’t control the other person and even if you were able to, it’s much better to know that the other person is going to be the way you want them to be without you having to expend energy on “controlling” them. I stopped trying to be perfect and control everything so I could feel OK.
My boyfriend is still in close contact with his most recent ex in a way which is troubling me.
I know he has remained close to a few of his ex’s which doesn’t concern me at all (he has the right to be friends with anyone) but the most recent ex is still extremely needy.
My feeling these days is that if your relationship is good in the moments that you’re with the person, it’s good. And most importantly, I stopped interpreting someone else’s actions as a reflection of me.
Worrying about what they could do just throws away any chance for enjoying your own life. Anyway, I’m just sharing how I felt when I was in this sort of situation.
now you’re starting to block their opinion out because it’s none of their business.